Cee-Vorced: Thoughts and Reflections
Musings by a Freshly Divorced They/Them from Decatur, GA
by cee will
about a 7 minute read
If you’ve come here in search of salaciousness, you’ve come to the wrong place. Simply put, I was married and now, as of 9:30 this morning, I am not.
A few thoughts and reflections:
I could share a multitude of screenshots, journal entries, and witness narratives to absolve myself of the accusations and inculpations thrust upon me, but I will not. The internet is no place for spectacle and any person interested in learning my truths has likely already reached out.
We are taught that marriage is one of life’s greatest gifts. You choose to enter a legal partnership based on romantic love which offers secondary benefits such as a forever plus one, built-in best friend, and a mutual well of support. I was not afforded these luxuries. In a society where “make it work” marriage advice reigns supreme, you get the idea that there is always something more you could be doing. Something that you're missing. While I do think there is such a thing as “good work” necessary to grow and strengthen a relationship, it is important to know when you've given it your all and that you should walk away.
It is important to know what depletion looks like. You can't pour from an empty bedroom water bottle. There is no prize for enduring. Just leave, man.
Sometimes those cheesy IG posts be on to something. Go ahead and screenshot that infographic just in case.
I am immensely grateful for friends and family who have believed me, witnessed me, and held me over the past few months and those who will continue to do so in the decades to come. This chapter will be a blip in the grand scheme.
I met my former spouse at a particularly low time in my life. Coming off a contentious job ending in New York, a summer sabbatical in sunny Florida with more than a few abbreviated, ambiguously ended situationships, dwindling bank account, and a longer than expected bout of unemployment, I was hopeful that things would turn around for the best and better. Looking back and taking accountability for my role in the relationship’s genesis, I should have slowed down. Had I taken the time to assess where I was emotionally, I may have seen that the positive attributes I admired were just reflections of my own traits. I may have seen that anybody can be the best version of themselves for 2 weeks or 2 months. As stated in a previous bullet, you can just leave.
It is true that Black women experience elevated levels of lifelong scrutiny and gender-based violence. Because of this, it makes sense that childhood trauma lingers. It is true that we (none of us) can heal in isolation. That does not mean you must be a martyr.
If you are reading this, I was probably accused of cheating with you (yes, even you!) at some point in my marriage.
It is over. I am done. Time to move on and forge ahead. No more sad birthdays. No more crying at work. Yes, more spontaneous trips. Yes, more reading, writing, collecting, and hand holding in historic cinema houses. Yes, more life.